Invincible summer

 

I am excited and anxious when I get to the outdoor markets especially at this time of year. I love it, I know it won't last forever and I don't want it to end! 

 

Perhaps it's like a summer-like day in the fall. We know that winter is coming and are anxious about it, but for that one day, it is summer and we try to savour each moment. It's like eating an ice cream cone on a hot day. We can hardly eat it before it melts and when we inevitably leave drops on our clothing, we are a bit annoyed but it doesn't last long because we need to get back to eating ice cream after all and it's beautiful day.

What if we were to live our lives this way? I recently read a lovely book called The Untethered Soul and when it spoke about this, it touched me deeply. I started to remember the things I wished I had said to people before they died, the things I wished I had said or done to make me a more caring and compassionate person.

I have little regrets and I am a kind generous person but I wasn't always like this. I was too scared and let others take the blame when I should have spoken up or let someone suffer when I could have taken the time to help them. I see now that not speaking up is as strong as action as speaking up. And the most important person that suffered through all this was me, and not speaking up for me.

The more I have taken the direction toward my heart and the truth of who I am, and living in courage and happiness vs. fear and anxiety, I feel like I am reading a epic book and I can't wait to get to the end. But not really. I don't want the end to be the end.

Now that I am finally settling in to living from the heart and being true to who I am, I feel like I am truly living and that life is so short. I realize that I can never be certain when I will take my last breath or it when it will be the last breath of someone I love. Why has it taken me so long to figure this out and not take this for granted?!

I meet young people that know how to live from the heart and truth at an early age and I am envious as it's taken me this long to figure out and I am still learning. But at the same time, I know that life will happen to them as it did for me - happiness and celebrations, bumps and bruises, and tragedies and sorrow - all tied up in a package we call life. Will they change as they grow older?

I feel like it's like a test for us. Can we grow to accept our imperfections that make us human or do we criticize them and compare ourselves to others, being our worst critics? Can we accept the deep challenges that inevitably touch us as part of living?

It's easy to "like" lovely verses that people post on Facebook on how to be a better person and how to make the world a better place. But to live them, fucking hard! Sorry, but sometimes, no other word seems to fit, and that is the truth of the matter.

If I had a magic wand, I wish we could all wake up and create the changes we want. I believe the world is waiting for us to do this. It's like we are in a deep sleep and want to stay in bed, snuggling in our warm duvets on a cold and blistery day like I love to do.

But what if we were to wake up, step out the door, putting on our clothes first or course, and realize that the day would bring us more warmth than we could ever imagine. In friendships, families however dysfunctional they may be, in connections new and old, in compassion for our fellow human beings, and deep gratitude for the precious life we have been given. What if?

I don't have the answers, but I find in asking the questions, I am getting more clarity breath by breath.

I love the Albert Camus quote:

"In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”