Random words found

Perhaps not so random as they seem to describe me...

I have nothing but everything

"Travel light but there is nothing here," said a friend on Cortes. I was perplexed and frustrated by this but did as she told me to. In particular, because I had to take two planes, two ferries and cross over two islands, some of it hitch hiking because there is no transportation system here, no taxis, no shuttles. This is the way.

I was a bit hesitant at first and shy about hitch hiking being a city gal and having an overactive imagination but if that's the only way to get around the island, you have to do it and locals are happy to pick up people and transport them. They realize this is part of the responsibility of owning a car on the island, which seems like a luxury when you are walking or biking the hilly terrain to get to where you want to go. And this is part of living in community and in a human eco system where people talk to one another to get things done and want to make each other's lives easier.

Also, like most islands, and it is no different here, either the island likes you or it doesn't. If it likes you, then things come your way easily and if it doesn't, it spits you out and wants to leave as soon as you can. I am usually a positive person, though can have my moments of self-pity and victimhood like everyone else. I wanted the island goddess on my side, think she's a woman, so I prayed a lot to the island goddess and whoever to help me if I am to be here. I am spiritual but not a religious-must-go-to-church person, but I figure that prayer is like the icing on the cake. If it can't hurt, and might just help, why not try it? And the goddess keeps on saying "yes" loud and clear "you need to be here" and keeps on showering me with opportunities and gifts.

I have been blessed by many opportunities in my life and am grateful, or in other words, as my friend Angela says, "you have a horseshoe up your ass". I've had my share of painful and sad moments in my life, but I tend not to dwell with on them, and I realize as the famous author CS Lewis says, that you can not experience happiness without the sadness, it is both sides of the same coin. I believe that and these learnings, however frightening and painful they might be for me at the time, have made me stronger and what I am today. I have no regrets, or very little. Also I get by with a lot of support from my good friends, therapists, healers, the universal forces whatever they may be (not quite sure about who is out there but I believe there is someone out there) and most recently I am learning to become my best friend and be there for me instead of walking away, which I have often done in the past.

I really wanted to bring my bike but it was impossible with all the travelling I would be doing to get here. I just couldn't picture myself with my baggage and bike, so I had to sadly leave it behind. I thought the place I would be staying at would be close to work but it is a good 40 minute walk in the country with no lights. I work very early day shifts, starting at 5:30 am, or evening shifts, starting in the early afternoon and closing around 9 or 10 pm. I was anxious about getting there and back because I would be walking in pitch dark on new terrain with only a headlamp. When I told my boss about my concern, she said, "you have a flashlight right?" It wasn't in a mean or condescending way, but it was practical, direct and honest advice. The way around here.

After staying in this victimhood for a few days, and waiting for some miracle to save me in a more whiny way, I got more present and real. I needed a bike! Actually, I got one initially from a friend of a friend in Ottawa, but it was too small for me and rusty and painful to ride. So the first part of trying to manifest anything I realized is that you need to be specific. I started asking for a bike in Ottawa and got one, miraculously just down the street from where I am living here, but I didn't put in important words like in "good working condition", "fits me", "I can ride easily". You make think this is here say but those in the know will be nodding in agreement.

There are no towns on Cortes Island, only a few stores, and certainly no bike or other store where to buy or rent a bike. There is not even a bank. So I did what people do here, I started talking to people and asking them where I could get a bike, to spread the word. In a small community, it's like that phone tag game, and if you want something spread then say it to one person, and if you don't want something spread then keep your mouth shut.

By the end of the day, I had a great bike delivered to me that I was renting for the season from "the bike guy" on the island. He's the one people ask for help with their bikes, everyone knows that and all roads so to speak led me to him. He says he does carpentry work, but there is a need for people to repair their bikes and so he does it on his off time. He doesn't make much money at it, but he does it because it is needed. I hear that a lot from people here, they want to help others where and when needed, their community. A friend had her bike not working and he came to repair it at her place. When she asked him how much, he knew she didn't have a lot of money and said don't worry about it, just pay it forward. There are a lot of big hearts on the island, and the bike guy is one of them. Considering that he has a family with a wife and three kids to support, he needs money but it's not his main motive.

I'm learning...

- To manifest what I want, be exact though, and it won't work if you don't truly believe and trust in the process.
- With manifestation, there must be actions as well. You can't just sit there and wait, although sometimes things come unexpectedly.
- Ask around for what you want with an open heart. The big ask, as they say in fund raising. Though understand that you may get what you need and not want you want, from my experience.
- Get it, be grateful, and pay forward this good fortune and karma, or whatever you call it.

Island magic or perhaps magic that is there for us wherever we may live and dream.

Kitchen with a view

This is my kitchen home and it's one of the most beautiful I've worked in. It's at Hollyhock centre on Cortes Island, BC. There are I'm sure better, greater and bigger kitchens with the latest equipment and gadgets, but does it have... an incredible view of the ocean and mountains, and windows so you can have the smell of the ocean waft in? a beautiful French-inspired organic garden/farm right outside the door where you can stroll for your produce and herbs? wooden counters, shelves and tables that remind you of an old country kitchen but with professional equipment and pantries stocked full of ingredients? cooks who have interesting hobbies like goat herding, book writing, playing music and cheese making in their spare time? people visiting who are coming to change themselves and the world? This is my world and I wanted to share a glimpse of it. Hollyhock (www.hollyhock.ca) is a non profit educational institute dedicated to personal, professional and organizational development that advances consciousness, connection and learning toward solutions for a better future. For over 30 years, it has been a special magical place, nestled between the forest and ocean on the south eastern tip of Cortes Island, BC, about 160 kms north of Vancouver. It is run by paid staff and a volunteer service program.

Caroline on Cortes

It is 3 pm and I just finished my day shift in the Hollyhock kitchen, which started at 5:30 am, with breakfast and then lunch service for 135 people.

I am sitting at the wooden table in the incredibly beautiful Hollyhock garden, filled with flowers, produce, and herbs. Any photos I take never seem to do it justice, the incredible beautiful of it all. It reminds me of the famous Tangled Garden by MacDonald, but prettier, and if we understand gardening we know that messy English gardens are actually well planned out gardens. This garden reminds me of people of Cortes and living here. There is structure but wildness at the same time. Like anywhere else, people have jobs, go to work daily like, they try to make ends meet, and they often take care of kids and extended families.

But at the same time, there is a sense of wildness and freedom to the people here and their lifestyles, and that's why they are attracted to here or perhaps the island was attracted to them and has held them captive. I often hear people coming here for a short time, but stay because of the incredible beauty of the scenery and nature. It's like a god or goddess, seducing you at every turn, enticing you to watch his or her movements and come play outside in its beauty. And because they are captured by its beauty, they will do whatever they can to stay on the island. So this love comes first, and what they do, secondary. They work to live on this island, and if the island gods or goddesses like you, they reward you, but that's another story.

I have several pantries from where I gather my ingredients and inspirations to cook from, but the garden is by far my favourite and the one I am most giddy about. I love meandering the garden seeing what is there and talking to the farmers about what is at its peak and needs to be used right away, what is coming up and what they grow all season. I love that it's not just a garden but the produce and herbs and interspersed among all the flowers, which are used to decorate the centre and rooms, and we can use in our food as well, which I adore doing. It's not exactly a farm, more like an edible garden. Because there are hundreds of flowers and many of them edible, I need to consult with the farmers for the size, taste and colours. There is actually list that is posted we can refer to. I've always loved using flowers to decorate with and be part of the food, so I am excited by this.

Farm-to-table cooking is one of the reasons I was attracted to Hollyhock. I've always loved the concept and we tried to do that at the restaurant, but to actually live and work in a place where the farm is right out the back door and works in sync with the kitchen is special to say the least. I get to see what is growing every day, and talk to the farmers about what I want harvested for the next meal and how much. When my delivery comes in just picked, with some remnants of the earth like dirt and ear wigs or worms, it feels like the stork bringing in a new delivery and I am excited. I had thoughts about what to do with it before, but actually seeing, feeling and tasting the produce inspires me often to do something different. For example, I asked for some rainbow chard, and when I saw it come in this morning, it was so incredibly beautiful I couldn't bring myself to change it by cooking it, so I decided that I would slice it thinly and keep it raw, and then I cut up the chard stems in a spiced hot oil mixture, which I put on the greens so that they deflated it slightly but kept it's character. It's really important for me to keep the character of produce in particular and I hate when it's over cooked or over touched so you can't recognize it or it loses it's original character and personality.

And because almost outside the kitchen door is the ocean, you could say there is ocean-to-table, or should I say ocean to people. Once a week, they bring the guests down to the beach by the ocean for a pre-dinner oyster reception. There are also loads of calms on the beach and we have a salmon dinner once a week for guests. Besides this, the kitchen is mainly vegetarian and mostly vegan and gluten-free when I cook :). Hollyhock's mission is to nourish, inspire and support people making change in the world. I love that my food is part of this equation.

I am the sky and everything else is the weather. Pema Chodron

Wheels up, I am off to the west coast for the summer!  What? Where to now is the usual reaction from my friends, more in excitement and curiosity than in disapproval or criticism, and that’s why they are  my friends.

One of the things I’ve learned along the way, and it seems simple but actually quite hard to do because it takes awhile to get to know the true nature of people, is that you need to surround yourself with positive people that will support you for who you are, and want the best for you. In short, good mirrors, because I’ve had my share of distorted mirrors.

I got back to Ottawa from my travels to Whistler- Japan-Hawaii, and got a  yummy offer to cook food at the Hollyhock retreat centre (www.hollyhock.ca) on Cortes Island in BC. Hollyhock is dedicated to inspire, nourish and support people making the world better, with a wide array of conferences and programs. 

As usual when I take a new direction, it’s easy to say “yes” to it at the time, but it may take a few steps. In my case, it’s two planes, two ferries, a few shuttles and car rides, and a big leap of faith.
 
I am nervous. What about you may wonder? Everything. It’s been hard to leave for me to leave my past behind, my reputation, my cred behind in the city where I gained them, and start afresh and recreate, even though I have yearned to go out west for awhile and am excited by it. 

I am heading to a place that seems far away and remote, and I don’t know much except that people say it is incredibly beautiful. I had signed up for a meditation retreat with Michael Stone at Hollyhock last summer but had to cancel, and I wondered when I would be able to return. Like many, I had heard about Hollyhock and wanted to go there one day. Well the one day is today!  

When I asked my friend who is working at Hollyhock what I should pack, she said to travel light, you have everything you'll need here but there is nothing much on the island. I didn't really get this but I packed rather lightly anyway because I knew it would be hard enough to get there, never mind carrying a lot of luggage. And I knew I would find out over time what she meant. 

I hope you’ll join me, virtually at least, on this journey. I can’t wait to share it with you!

Pause where it is blooming

Free yoga on Parliament Hill sponsored by Lululemon on Wednesdays!

I come back to Ottawa from my travels and it is in full bloom, and I love that. I love how the city comes alive in the summer, not only the weather and nature, but it seems that even the  people come alive as well from the deep freeze of winter.

 

With the arrival of summery weather, I feel a collective sigh of relief.  It's like we are children again, barefoot and running through the grass into the sunshine and laughing.

We just can't get enough it and we appreciate it so much. That's the thing that's great about living somewhere like here, the appreciation and gratitude we have when the weather is nice, and the summer comes. The thing is we know it won't last, that it is has a time limit, and it will disappear so quickly.

 

 

And because we understand this, we tend to make different choices from the winter. We might put off some paperwork to go out to a patio for drinks with friends, just because we know it won't be forever. We might take up a friend for an offer to go to the lake for a swim or to a cottage though we had some other plans. We might take a break from our chores and go outside for a walk before the sun sets.

I love strolling the streets, because that's what we do in Ottawa in the summer, stroll. I believe we have different steps or beats here for different temperatures. You might not get this if you're in one of those warmer climates all year around, but might find it interesting so hear me out.

I feel like it's best explained through music. It's like we walk in a staccato beat when it's very cold. Quick detached beats of short duration, we hold our breaths, go outside to grin and bear it.

But when the warm weather comes, it's like a whole note, the longest note, we breath out to let go of the stresses and stressors of our lives. We stroll. And this time has arrived. We're in whole note season!

I love all seasons and the nature and sports in them. Each season has it's own character and beat. We have four but the winter seems to grab an inordinate amount of our time and head space.  It feels like we spend a lot of energy here keeping warm, coming in from the cold, talking about the weather and how cold it is, buying clothes to keep us warmer, consuming food and drink that will warm us up, looking for partners to keep us warm.

I love the summer for how we as a city we relax and tumble into the grass. It seems as there is a collective awakening and there is an incredible amount of activities to do outdoors. It's like being at the carnival and wondering what ride you should go on next. At the end of the day, we might be a bit burnt from being out in the sun too long and tired from squeezing in as many rides and games as possible before we have to come inside. But it's a different exhaustion, because it's doing what you love.

We don't have a remote where can push the stop or pause button for the season to wait for us. It goes so quickly, like our lives. Let's not waste it doing things we don't want to do, or minimize the parts that we don't like.

At the end of the day, it's the small things that truly matter and makes our lives meaningful.

Like eating gelato that drips on you because you can't eat it fast enough as it's melting, watching the incredible array of colours of the sunset by the water and being grateful for being alive to watch it, taking your kids to the sprinkler water park and joining in and laughing because you haven't done that since you were their age, and walking barefoot in the grass because you can

.

A duck out of water, but in water, so it's happy

Pause where it is blooming, wherever it may be.

Love, Caroline xo

Feeding the soul

Everytime I see one, it reminds me of my childhood and I have to try. It instantly makes me feel young and there is laughter from my belly. I love that, especially as I have been feeling a bit under the weather. Try it. Skip, jump, swing and slide, and if you are brave enough, you will do it with people watching. Why should things that are fun and free only be for kids?! Why is there a best before date on fun?! Our mind might think it's silly but our heart knows and is nourished by it. And that is how I feed my soul when it is hungry. Xo 

Try this, it will make your mouth go numb...

... it's called kava. I ended my stay in Hawi with a cup of kava.

Heidi and I went to the Kava Kafé (www.kavakafe.com), crowded with locals, most who she knows by now as it doesn't take long in a small community and with everyone so open and friendly. There was a musician playing and a big punch bowl of kava being served at the counter. There is no alcohol served in the café, the focus is on kava and vegetarian food.
 

The server poured me a cup of kava in a coconut cup, showing me the large root from which it is made. She said the locals say it will root me.

What is kava? Kava is made from the roots of the kava plant and used for medicinal, religious, political, cultural and social purposes throughout the Pacific. These cultures have a great respect for the plant and place a high importance on it. There are many different names for kava and in Hawaii, they often refer to it as awa.

Just before I was going to drink it, Heidi told me that it will  numb the front of my mouth and tongue and will relax me. I was a bit worried at first. Would I enter into altered states that I would never come back from and miss my flight home?  I liked the relaxed state part but, call me skeptical, I didn’t really like the sound of part of my face going numb.

Of course I joined in, like most things in my life, with gusto, and tried it.

It tastes like you’re drinking root and swamp water. It does make your mouth and tongue go numb.  Sort of like that feeling after the dentist's office and you're mouth has been frozen. It seemed relaxing, but heh I was relaxed all ready so it was hard to tell. Actually, with a more relaxed laid back vibe here, how can people tell? Is there graduations of relaxation here like the range of mangos? For us, it's usually the week day or the weekend, day off of work or not, holidays or not, as part of the indication of how relaxed we are.

Some say kava is an acquired taste. I would agree with that! They also say that the more you drink, the more you like it. The seed, or should I say root, has been planted and I will come back for this and much more.

For now, I travel home. I have digested much food and drink for thought here and during my travels, which has taken me in many directions and to places I never knew existed.
 

Lovely ocean park, where you can see remnants of a 600-year-old village that existed. 

But it is the friends and strangers who I encountered along the way that I will never forget. They say, you will forget people, but you will never forget how they made you feel. And during my trip, I was touched deeply by the warmth and kindness of so many, some who I couldn't speak the same language with. 

I love Mochi!

I realized that one's community can be much larger than you think, and there is much more that brings us together than divides us. Thank you to my community abroad and at home that has made this incredible journey possible. I am grateful!  Stay tuned as I soar with my wonderful life beyond Zen and blog...

 

 

Cooking in the jungle

I followed Heidi through the bamboo forest and into the jungle. We were carrying food and supplies to make dinner at the Mango Kitchen.

When I was in Japan, Heidi asked me if I would make a Japanese dinner for some of her friends. I agreed, excited to bring my favourite Japanese ingredients and combine these with local produce, to make a special dinner on-site.

What I didn’t know then, is that this dinner would be in a kitchen in the jungle and it would be for her special friends who are workers of a great organization called the Hawaii Institute of Pacific Agriculture, called HIP (hipagriculture.org). HIP has 25 acres of farmland just outside of Kapa’auh that used to be owned by King Kamehameha. The institute has internships to learn about hands-on farming and sustainable living. This is no ordinary organization or farm.


They farm a wide range of tropical produce from mango, papaya and star fruit to avocado, plantain and ginger, in addition to macadamias. Interns learn about a wide range of topics, from tropical permaculture and mycology (study of mushrooms, including growing them) to plant identification and medicine.  

While it may seem easy for the people of Hawaii to feed themselves from their lush and fertile land, 85% of their food is imported and they are the world's most isolated island. Much of the land has been controlled by corporate sugar cane plantations until recently and new incentives are encouraging biotech corporations to use the land to produce crops, some of which are GMO. Therefore, organizations like HIP are playing a vital role in helping people learn how to grow a diversity of products to feed themselves.

By the way, HIP boarders a ocean park with the most spectacular scenery I have ever seen.

The Mango Kitchen is basic and rustic, a friendly space, decorated in bright colours and surrounded with views of the jungle from the windows. Everything in the kitchen speaks to cooking and eating together, from the large kitchen counters to the communal table and sitting areas. And when I walked in everyone was happy to see me and offered to help me.

For dinner, I brought some ingredients I had gathered through my travels in Japan:  miso; kombu; shitake; wakame and green tea. I combined this with a incredible range of fresh ingredients available on the farm and in town: turmeric, ginger, coconut, pumpkin, sweet potato, mango, cilantro, greens, flowers, bananas, coconut sugar, lemons and tomatoes.  

What did I make for dinner?  A Japanese seaweed salad, miso soup and a tempeh curry with red rice and papaya hot sauce. Some of the people who joined us for dinner were vegan and were thrilled that they could eat everything I made. It may not be as pretty as my usual offerings as I served everything family style without much garnish and fanfare, however the participants told me it was delicious, and that made me happy. The only thing that was missing was dessert.

One of the male workers said that he would make cupcakes from the ulus that were over ripe and they needed to use them up. “What’s an ulu?”, I asked. Someone handed me a strange looking fruit the size of a cantaloupe with a bubbly cover.  Heidi had told me how good ulu is baked and wanted me to try it, and here I was in the jungle and someone was making it for us.  We were both excited! He made individual cupcakes with a glaze for it. Absolutely delicious! They have a joke at HIP, who knew ulu, because who knew a fruit that is kind of ugly could be that good. I guess you can’t judge a book or fruit by its cover!

It was a lovely evening, sharing food, conversation and tarot cards, with no distractions such as TVs, computers, cell phones or city traffic, which was surprising and welcoming with a largely younger crowd. I love the fact that HIP builds community, showing participants first hand what a real community of people that care about the future of the planet and each other feels like and can accomplish. This alone is admirable.  

 

With all our advancements in technology and communications, we seem more rushed, distracted and isolated than ever, to each other, what really matters to us, and most importantly ourselves. This has been a concern of mine, for myself and our communities.

 

Through this experience and my travels of late, I have realized that sometimes you need to go backwards before you can move forward, going faster is not necessarily better, and there are a multitude of speeds between low to high speed. Who knew?

Stopping for tea in the jungle...

 

Who knew ulu?

It’s 4 pm and I’m sitting at the Kona Coffee Mill in Hawi, Hawaii, eating a macadamia ice cream.

A visitor stopped me to ask where they were serving the ice cream that they mention in the book.  I said this must be the place because the town is very small and as far as I know this is the only place that serves ice cream on the strip and I’ve heard good ice cream. Of course I was curious to try it after that. It’s very good. I like the fact that macadamias in it are grown locally. Hawi is a small town in northern Hawaii, part of the Kohala region. It’s often known as where the Ironman and trialathon turns around.

I have come from Japan where I was 13 hours ahead of you to here, and I have come here, 6 hours behind you. It seems appropriate that I am behind you because the pace seems slower more relaxed here. When I got off the airplane and walked into the terminal, despite a 24 hour travel time, with three flights and stop over time of about 10 hours in two airports, I felt immediately more relaxed and energized at the same time. I can’t explain it.

And by the time Heidi brought me to her the town that has adopted her, or she has adopted, I was feeling very relaxed and excited at the same time, not only to be with Heidi and in Hawaii, but there is a certain energy to the island and this area in particular.

It’s like mother earth embraces you here, and tells you to settle down, everything will be ok. There is so much spectacular scenery at every time, sometimes so stunning and incredible when Heidi and I would be hiking, that I had to say holy ***, sorry those were the only words I could think of and perhaps I should be more literate but the feelings were raw like the terrain.  Through mother earth’s incredible beauty, she forces you to become more present and enjoy it all, be grateful for it. 

I heard a guy talking to a visitor about some problems he is having, and at the ends he says, “but heh I live in Hawaii and the beaches where I live are often deserted and beautiful.” I hear others say that they wake up every morning grateful to have another day in such a beautiful location on this planet. I am certainly grateful for the time I am spending here.

I had a long stopover in Waikiki and while beautiful as I walked the beach area and laid in the sun, I felt it was too crowded and touristy for me. I felt I hadn’t left Japan, just the back drop had changed. There were so many Japanese tourists, almost everything was written in Japanese as well as English, and sometimes only in Japanese, and there was the Japanese food and snacks all over that I was familiar with in Japan like snack packs of sushi and noodles, not that I am complaining, just observing.

So coming to Kona and then to Hawi feels more “Hawaiian”, more local, more real. It feels like I am peeling a fruit, layer by layer, and now I am inside where the seeds are like a papaya. I am thinking in fruit because there is so much fruit here that is grown locally that I am familiar with, however I am not, because there is nothing like tasting something that has been grown locally and just picked.

And the new produce I am being introduced to, are like new crushes. Where have you been all my life?  How can I get to know you better? Heidi said I would love ulu, especially done as a bread/cake, and she was right. The whole ulu can be put in the oven and when it’s ready, they open it up like bread! Thus the alternate name breadfruit. How great is that? Now we are both in love with the same fruit! But there is room, because there is a lot of ulu. Who knew about ulu?

I’ve also come to have a crush on lilikoi or yellow passion fruit that seems to make its way into a lot of food products from jams and ice creams to desserts. You eat the fruit by cutting a whole at the top and sucking out the seeds and pulp or cutting it in half and scooping out the seeds and pulp. You normally don’t eat the rest.

This morning we had a freshly baked cinnamon bun with lilikoi glaze at the Nanbu Coutyard café  on our way home from what is becoming our daily sunrise beach play time. Delish! The café is only open from 7 am – 2 pm and the owner is a third generation Japanese, like me. She makes everything from scratch from early in the morning. There is a beautiful courtyard as part of the café that looks like a perfect place to relax.   

When I came to the island, I felt like I was out of step with the energy of the island. The best way I can describe it is like I was a square peg trying to fit inside a round hole.  I feel that I have spent so much time being the best and right peg, in order to fit in. But here you don’t need to be a round peg or even a peg, you can be who you are.

Did you know that there are 250 varieties of mango? Who knew? At home, most of the time it’s hard to find more than two varieties and the big criteria is often how ripe they are.

That’s what I love about travelling, it challenges all my preconceived assumptions and expectations about everything, including fruits and life.  And sometimes turning your world upside down is a good thing.